No doubt I enjoy photography. Imagine, I bought my first DSLR back in 2008, so why am I still an amateur or maybe not even, maybe just a beginner?
I see other folks excelling in this field in such a short time. I envy their creative minds, unique perspectives, and every one of their photos just seem to have that "wow" factor. I've been to many places to shoot, I've attended photography workshops, tried many photography techniques, joined many photography trips, but yet, I'm not good at what I do.
Especially lately, I feel like I've lost my focus on the subjects and themes I wanna capture. It used to be easy, I shoot when I travel, I see beautiful sceneries or eye popping backgrounds and I want to capture them all, but that is precisely what is wrong, I only aim to capture the scene, but not the experience, the emotions, nor the story.
The thing is I am aware that I'm not good at it, but I also have no idea what is wrong and what I should be doing to change the outcome. Doing this on my own isn't going to help, so I decided to take steps. I've attended photography courses to learn the technical side, I've watched youtube videos for many tips, I've joined many photography trips which gave me the opportunity to learn and shoot better, and yet there's something missing.
Many years ago, when I started joining photography trips, I got some exposure to being on print, on the web and on TV. My first shot at fame were 2 photos I submitted to CNN's ireport program. My photo of the white albino snails in Itbayat, Batanes, got featured on TV as part of a feature news and a friend saw it on TV. And my photo of the colorful houses in Burano Island reflected on the canal waters, was selected as CNN's photo of the day. I was thrilled of course, and it gave me the push to further my photography journey.
Then I got some photos on print as part of a feature article which talked about these trips in general. Our best shot was selected to be included. I knew that the selection of my photo is not necessarily selected for its merit alone, but just by being part of the workshop, I get to show my best shot which in reality, could make a mediocre shot in the real world. But it didn't matter to me, it was still an opportunity and it make me enjoy my journey even further.
The photo trips weren't as easy as some people would think. It wasn't really vacation, it was more of a learning experience. I got to experience my first critic sessions, learned to overcome my shyness and got the courage to interact and shoot people I encounter, learned how to shoot unexpected scenes when the weather does not cooperate, and many other tips and techniques as well.
But then pandemic happened and everything came to a full stop. Although this was part of the reason, I kinda felt that my focus was already all around the place before the pandemic. And the break surely made things worse. I still tried to spend my time doing different photography exercises while confined at home such as macro, bubble photography, miniature people photography, and all sorts of techniques to try out.
Then one year while out on a photo trip, my photo trip buddy invited me to join a camera club. But you see, I never really entertained the option since first of all, I was still a bit busy with work. Then when I was not so busy anymore, I felt intimidated to join one since I feel that it's more for the boys and it's more for the pros. Seems so much competition plus being an introvert, I can be anti-social. Although I was told that I would probably fit well with the group due to similar range of age, and quite a number of female photographers who have a similar profile. It had to be a perfect solution for all my hesitations, right? And yet, I brushed it away.
A year ago, I got this 2nd invite from another photo trip buddy and even back then, I hesitated... again. I made excuses for being busy, but I knew it was more because I am anti-social. Yes, this has always been a challenge for me.
But this year, after much prodding, I felt a bit ashamed and guilty that I was again trying to make excuses. I so appreciated her invite to shoot together, camera club or not cause I realized that I needed that push. Plus my realization that I needed to change and improve my ways to be able to achieve something. I also felt very welcome even before I seriously thought about joining. I got to meet more members on a casual basis and I felt it was a nice and interesting community that I would love to be part of. I admit I felt excited. And so I made a decision, and felt nothing was going to stop me. I submitted my letter of intent... finally!
It's always been a dream to be a good photographer, and to win a photo contest, or get exhibited and published is just the validation I needed to be considered one. But I also realized that my fears have been blocking my growth and I'm the only person that can change that.
